NEWS YOU CAN LOSE...
It’s
Brit Racer vs. American Writer at 2003 Healey Conclave
Speed Trials - Summit Point, West Virginia, June 30 - Under
a broiling hot sun, the speed trial competitors from this year’s Healey
Conclave gathered at the Jefferson Circuit at Summit Point Raceway to
test their skills and machinery against the electronic timing equipment.
But the highlight of the day was the “Anglo-American Challenge” between
renowned British Healey ace Denis Welch and infamous American writer and
ride mooch Burt “BS” Levy, journalist and the author of the cult-classic
racing novels The Last Open Road, Montezuma’s Ferrari
and The Fabulous Trashwagon. A pair of nicely matched and prepared
100/4s were provided by owners Bob Gilleland and Michael Oritt, and the
format was quick and to the point. Each driver would get a single timed
lap in each car, and the best average would be declared the winner.
As neither driver had ever seen the track before, they were given three
warmup laps for familiarization. But instead of coming in when the flag
waved to end the familiarization session, Levy and Welch (by secret prior
agreement made moments before in the men’s room) took off in an impromptu
“race” that had the crowd on their feet as the two drafted each other
down the straightaways and raced side-by-side through the corners!
Finally flagged in (by one of the cars’ owners, in fact), the real business
of the time trials began. Both drivers did an excellent job, turning times
quicker than the owners and actually topping all the other Big Healey
times of the meeting, six cylinder cars included. When the times were
tabulated at the end, it was Welch by a scant .006 of a second over an
approximately 70-second lap. Levy immediately accused Welch of offering
free speed parts to the timing and scoring crew in return for fiddling
the results, but Welch’s victory held and a good time was had by all.
“Next year we’ll front up a real racer instead of a novelist for the American
side,” Levy warned. “I wonder if we can lure Mario Andretti out of retirement?”
VSCDA Gingerman - I co-drove Mike Kaske's Causey again
in the so-called Big Bore (and it was) enduro. Thanks to a tiiming and
scoring glitch (they took our qualifying time from a session when Mike
was having problems) we had to start at the back in what was arguably
the best car for the track, and Mike duly cut through most of a thin,
wallowing field of Corvettes, Mustangs, etc. on the very first lap. When
I took over, we were in third and I had about 40 sec. to make up, but
it was the first time I'd sat in the car all weekend, so the in-car footage
from the first couple laps is just a wee bit ragged. And HOW! But it finally
started coming together and I wuz catchin' 'em fer shure. when all of
a sudden they showed me "P2" from the pits since the lead car
had suffered a meltdown and then, a couple laps later (I'm still drivin'
my ass off, see) they shows me "P1" on account of the leading
Porsche had lingered an extra minute in the pits an' I just sayin' to
mysel "Hey, this is TOO easy" when all of a sullen the engine
starts sounding funny an' coming on an off the power all by itself! An'
jus' when I'm thinkin' "Geez, whatthehellizzat?" it gets progressively
worse an' now the car is kinda porpoising up an' down REAL bad and I'm
now thinking about finding a nice, safe place to pull over when the engine
locks wide open! HSR Rolex Vintage Enduro, Road Atlanta - Burt co-drives
"Supert Dave" Bondon's Lotus Twincam-powered Morgan to a stirring
second in class against a whole PASSEL o'Porsches in the HSR Rolex Vintage
Enduro at Road Atlanta. "We had a great, race-long battle with the
Porsches of my friends Keith Denahan and George Balbach, and I have to
admit I managed to come home 2nd in what was probably (albeit by a slim
margin) the fastest car. Dave started the Morgan on the outside front
row of the 55-car grid (ahead of all but one of the 911s in the faster
class!) and we knew it was due to some kind of mixup in Timing & Scoring,
but both of us figured the right and proper course of action was to GRAB
A GODDAM CAMERA AND GET A FREAKING PICTURE OF THIS RIGHT NOW!!!! Thanks
to our lofty grid position, Dave had a nice eight or ten second lead in
hand. But then some Porsche Bozos got together forcing a full-course yellow
and Dave knew we had to take advantage of it and make our pit stop. Problem
was, the Mog has a tiny little fuel tank and we weren't sure we had enough
to go the distance. 'What does it start to do when it runs out?' I asked
him. 'I've got no idea,' he replied. 'It's never happened.'" Viper Days, Gingerman - Slithered a bit far afield from
my usual ride mooch territory last weekend as I drove and raced a few
Vipers during the Viper Daze (er, make that "Days") weekend
at Gingerman. As you can see from the attached JPEG,
owners L. to R. Sonny Whelen (red-and-white GT1 class Viper # 31) Bobby
Archer (black-and-yellow GT2 class Viper #32) and Gary Lachinsky (blue-and-silver
Comp Coupe #337) were only too appreciative of the way I looked after
their cars. Will forward a 2nd shot of me whaling
the tar out of Sonny's car in separate e-mail. For more info, e-mail thinkfast@mindspring.com
or call Think Fast Ink at 708-383-7203.
FROM THE EDITOR
New, embroidered shirts and sweatshirts will be available right after
the Blackhawk Vintage Classic, at Finzio's Store.
Burt's schedule for most of the year is now up at the Schedule
page. Be sure to drop by when you're at the races, buy a book and have
it defaced, let him borrow your race car, and leer at your wife. Such
a deal. He generally has all books with him, plus a selection of Montezuma's
Ferrari jewelry and Last Open Road
and Montezuma's Ferrari clothing.
Also check out the cool reviews the books have been getting at the Formula
1 sites of Atlas F1 and Planet F1. 
Denis Welch
and “BS” Levy at the prize-giving. Note Levy’s tee shirt:
“It’s not
whether you win or lose, it’s how you place the blame.”
Geez....
Well, I got it shut down as quick as I could reach the switch an' I'm
thinkin' Busted Motor Mount as I pull off onto the grass, but, following
the tow back to the pits and the autopsy, it seems I'd managed to break
the frame in half (or at least I was in it when it happened, anyway, which
amounts to the same thing!). Seems the main, triangulated frame tubes
at the center of the car (right under the engine where it ties into the
rear bulkhead) had sheared neatly off and were more or less dangling.
Hmmm. I offered to help pay for it, but Mike told me: "It's mostly
labor, and, as you well know, my crew runs on beer. So this is gonna cost
you a LOT of beer!"
I can live with that....
" So I went out and took my place in line behind the pace car and
when the green waved I was short-shifting and trying to save fuel (not
to mention that I hadn't been in the car since the previous day) and of
course Keith and George just stormed right by. I watched them battling
the heck out of each other from the best seat in the house and finally
decided, 'Hell, if I'm gonna run out, I'm gonna run, but dammit, I'm gonna
RACE for it with these guys!' So the redline went back up to 8500 (!!!)
and I started to catch them a little. But every time I'd get close, we'd
hit lapped traffic and I'd lose everything I'd gained and have to start
all over again. Maddening. And just about the time I figured there weren't
enough laps left and that I was gonna have to settle for third, THEY got
bottled up behind three lapped cars heading into Turn 7 with noplace to
go and I gave the Mog just a little lift to keep my distance, got a monster
clear hole shot out of seven and passed the whole lot of 'em down the
backstraight! Wotta moment! I did a little on-purpose blocking to kill
the Porsches' exit speed out of the chicane (running free they were quicker
through 12 and I knew it!) and if only the checker had waved right then!
But it didn't and the next lap I was the one who got screwed in traffic
as I had to take the slower inside line past a lapped car down into 12
and sure enough Keith got the momentum advantage out of 12 and came storming
past going down the pit straight. Then he got under another slow guy at
the top of the hill (turn 3) while I got stuck behind all the way down
the esses (and one thing I will NOT do in someone else's car is try a
pass down the Road Atlanta esses!). Naturally the checker waved that lap
and so that's how we finished: Keith's Porsche, our Morgan, and George's
Porsche 1st, 2nd and 3rd...."
Still, it was one hell of a race!!!!!
Lotta FUN!
And that new Comp Coupe is FANTASTIC!!! Race ready straight from the factory
with 520hp, 540 ft.lbs. of torque, 0-100 in 9.2 sec. and a top speed of,
oh, say, 193mph. Plus impeccable track manners (honest!) and the best
brakes I have EVER experienced. And you can buy one right over the counter
for just under $130,000. That's one hell of a lot of bang for the buck.
I know I've never been much of a Viper guy, but this new Comp Coupe is
an entirely different and refined sort of experience, and nothing at all
like the somewhat raw, clumsy but bullet-fast-in-a-straight-line Vipers
of the past.
I had to take my nomex undies off with a cold chisel!
